“Old Town Road”

 The scene is still set on Charlie’s lawn (from “Over and Over”.) This is a continuation from that scene.

Charlie: What is it? What does it say?

Neighbor: Have you been to your porch yet?

Charlie: What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

Neighbor: (switches to a southern accent) “You ain’t been up off that porch, now?”

Charlie: Woah, why are you talking like that?

Charlie starts to back up. He tries swiping the letter, but Neighbor moves it out of the way at the last moment.

Charlie: Why do you keep asking about the porch. What’s on the porch?

Neighbor: It’s in this letter. If you were smart, you would have opened it yourself.

Charlie: Give it to me then.

Neighbor: “Can’t nobody tell me nothin’.”

Charlie: Give me the letter and then get off my lawn.

Neighbor: You wish, buddy. “You can’t tell me nothin’.” Should have been more careful.

Charlie: Why are you here? Who are you?

Neighbor: You’re not very observant are you?

Charlie: Out with it.

Neighbor: I wrote this note. You should have read it.

Charlie: Dude, you’re freaking me out.

Neighbor: We met 8 years ago.

Charlie: What?

Neighbor: You had just started dating your ex. She introduced us. I was “ridin’ on a tractor” because she really wanted you to see where she grew up. You thought it was cute that she had dated someone like me before. I was devastated that she would choose someone like you. Handsome, but self-centered. Someone who volunteers to feel altruistic, but if push came to shove you would “lean all in” to make sure you were taken care of.

Charlie: You always did look familiar. Do you even live at that house over there?

Neighbor: No. I work for the family.

Charlie: Why are you targeting me you stalker?!

Neighbor: You “cheated on my baby.”

Charlie: First, you both aren’t together and she had to get a restraining order while we were dating. She never really talked about it, but I assume it was about you now. Also, neither of us cheated, “you can go and ask her.” Well I take that back, you can’t because of the order.

Neighbor: You’re going to rue the day that you ruined her life.

Charlie: Chill out man.

Neighbor launches at Charlie, misses, and hits his head against the mailbox. This knocks him out. Charlie pulls out his phone to call 911 and picks up the letter, shaking his head.

Charlie: What the hell. “My life is a movie.”

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