"White Blank Page"

Del is walking around a park. She comes to a large white wall and stands there for a moment and then starts to pace slowly.

Del: The Reader was right. I literally ran into "a white blank page." I've been so skeptical, but Cheyenne kept telling me to go. The other thing she kept saying was to calm down.

How am I supposed to keep it together when I'm so angry. They took everything from me. My job, my home, my children. Everything I built is gone. 

I don't have the ability to keep it down when I am trying to deal with this "swelling rage." It’s the 12th time, but this one feels different.

They don’t realize the strength and power I possess. I know better than anyone that this “rage” will subside, it does every time. The Counsel thinks it can take it away because I was doing well here. They “did not think when [they] sent me to the brink” of exhaustion and existence. If I’m not here then they aren’t either, they seem to forget that every time we’re “on the brink” of taking over the world order and they whisk me away the future changes. 

Those kids, my children this time “desired my attention, but denied my affections” which had never happened to before. The generation of today is so different than when I was raising kids in the 3rd century. They were all so obedient until technology and social norms made it so they could constantly connect with one another.

The cost of living forever. 

Someone needs to “tell me now” what is next. Is this really the end for me? It probably wouldn’t be a bad thing, it has been centuries and we always stop short of just taking it over. It’s like a hobby that’s gone on too long. Tell me “where was my fault” in it all.

Is there another planet I can manage without the skeptical looks, grins, and silences? That’s what I need. Maybe next time I won’t absorb the emotions that these humans have.

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